It’s a beautiful, sunny, Sunday morning as I sit down to process and reflect on this first full week. I literally feel like it was yesterday that we made the decision as a family for me to leave my corporate world and here I am already one week into my new, self-employed, photography life. The past several months have been so eye opening for me. I see myself as a person that is logical, rational, and very grounded in reality. I knew that there would be some transition as we moved into this new world, but I don’t think I anticipated how my body and mind physically would work through the change- and how different the two would be. I can think logically that I am fine and handling things in a healthy way, but then the physical anxiety, fears and nightmares take over. All the unknown that is yet to be defined looks overwhelming and I don’t know quite how to process it. The thing I didn’t realize is that it isn’t just my job that is changing, it is my entire mindset. I cannot look at anything the same way anymore. I can’t expect to live the same life, just paying the bills in a different way. No, this is all in, all on the table, total change and it is so vulnerable, so scary, and so liberating all at the same time. How do I redefine our “normal”? As a forty-something adult, how do I start over? How do I think in a different way? How do I give myself the freedom and patience to learn? How can I discover what I don’t know? I don’t have the answers to any of my questions right now, which is so terribly uncomfortable for me, but I do know one thing- change comes slowly and it is a process. It is okay that I don’t have all the answers yet, it’s okay to feel insecure and uncertain, it is okay to have anxiety and fears. Those are the things that motivate, that drive our success, that push us forward. That panic, that fear would not exist if not on the verge of something undiscovered and great. That fear is driving innovation, new thinking, new ideas, and will serve as the foundation of myself, and my business moving forward.
So what’s the big discovery this week? Being patient and giving myself the space to feel and be where I am. I have had brilliant moments this week-and I have had panic stricken moments this week. I am definitely guilty for being one that doesn’t like to deal with the “bad” or “uncomfortable”- just pushing those feelings down and burying them deep within. But not this week. There are so many emotions that I couldn’t possibly do that, so I am taking it one day, one feeling at a time and moving through it to get to the positive. I wanted more than anything to write something amazingly inspirational today- to encourage other’s with dreams to follow them and never look back. I do believe I will get there through this process of change. But for now I am working through the redefining, living in the real, and that’s okay. At the heart of all of it I know there are great things to be discovered and revealed, and I just can’t wait to get there.
’til tomorrow…
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